The Throne Endgame: When Two Epics Meet

The pop culture gods planed two culturally impactful fictional dramas in one weekend between the movie Avengers: Endgame and the series Game Of Thrones(GOT) Ep. 3 “The Long Night.” Endgame although a 3hour long solid film brought a decade long closure to those who have followed the Marvel Cinematic Universe(MCU) while GOT fans were treated to a long overdue battle at Winterfell within an 80min episode. Both were two different fantasy plotted epics that carried similar high emotional roller-coaster moments deserving of a deeply needed therapy session.

An unstoppable bad guy(s)

Endgame: Thanos the mad titan was able to erase half of all living beings in the universe from existence by the use of wearing an overpowered Dolce & Gabbana super glove. His crew is a deep galactic army that includes Bloods, Crips, Pitbulls from outer space and some big ass flying Russian battleships.

GOT: The Night King, although smaller frame, carries a large sharp icicle sword that was picked from a random house and has the magical punk a** ability to summon all his cousins from the dead to jump you.

Endgame: Each Avenger were suffering from extreme cases of PTSD. Captain America became a counselor for a support group where they watch reruns of Mash every Wednesday, Thor grew a 40-ounce pot belly from drinking endless barrels of Steel Reserve, and Tony Stark threw up the middle finger while going full out green acres.

GOT: The night before the battle of Winterfell each character was dealing with high anxiety issues. One group got so drunk that they decided to ignore the rules and initiate Brienne into their male fraternity, Ayra lost her virginity to a dirty mechanic, and Jon Snow told his auntie girlfriend that he’s been offered a new job opportunity to become her new boss.

Lessons learned

Endgame: “When you mess with time travel, it messes with you back”

Thanos discovers the Avengers plan to time travel back into the past and steal the Infinity Gems so like a cell phone accidentally being left at a side chick’s house he shows up aggressively knocking at their front door.

Despite being a 7'1 strong former Kingsguard who has a feared reputation for being a deadly killer, the Hound whether it is the Battle of Blackwater or a plane street fight transforms into a minted moist Kleenex whenever someone shows up with a lit lighter or a small flaming match.

Endgame: To not think that given any chance Loki would not take the opportunity to be Loki is the definition of a brain freeze moment.

GOT: It is a super stupid move during a battle with the undead to tell the non-fighting residents of Winterfell to hide in a dark basement cemetery surrounded by the same corpses who wake up to kill everyone because they’ve now been drafted into the Night King’s army.

Endgame: The HIGH was the scene when it was discovered that Captain America had gained control of Thor’s hammer and was able to strike Thanos down with all the might of an electricity bill. The LOW was moments later when Cap was standing bloody with a broken shield in a Jon Snow Battle of The Bastards stance alone against a still standing Thanos and his alien mob squad.

GOT: The HIGH was when Daenerys while sitting on her fire breathing flying dragon says “Dracarys” which means “Light that ass up!!!,” in dragon and totally covers the Night King with enough inferno blaze to burn down a Ward 8 project community. The LOW is when the Night King brushed that same fire off as if it was a warm Jamaican breeze and gave Daenerys a Billy Dee Williams smile that said “Nah.”

Endgame: Black Widow’s sacrifice was tragically important yet it gave the Avengers a fighting chance to win. Tony Stark’s death was a borderline 90’s action movie cliché as he caught the full blast of the too much sauce Infinity Gems then dropping a dope ass “ I am Iron Man Bitch!!!,” catchphrase.

GOT: A 12-year-old girl killed a killer zombie giant with a pocket knife right before he squeezed her like a charmin. Theon went out like a G in a full heroic charge because what else does a man have to lose when he’s already lost his nuts. Jorah Mormont was friend zoned to death without Daenerys providing a small goodbye kiss or quick boob flash.

Endgame: No one would have suspected that Antman, the guy with the least desired superpower would provide the Avengers a key idea for the win against Thanos.

GOT: All praise goes to the 5'1 assassin Ayra who Super Mario Bros leaped at the Night King from behind delivering the killing blow using the same blade someone tried to kill her brother Bran with because he accidentally walked in on a sister-brother sex tape.

Endgame: Black Panther and crew were being real black by out dressing everyone at Tony Stark’s funeral. Cap time traveled in the past to stay and grow old with his forever love while in the present passing the shield over to Falcon making him the new “BLACK” Captain America whose first mission will be reparations for all black people.

GOT: The red woman died because she decided to walk butt naked in 40 below weather not realizing that winter was actually here. Black fan favorite couple Greyworm and Missandri, fortunately, both survived the battle bringing them one step closer to their post-war dream of buying a house in southwest Atlanta.

Originally published at https://walksandchewsbubblegum.com on May 1, 2019.